Saturday, May 19, 2012
Sunday, April 24, 2011
Sunday, April 17, 2011
Tuesday, April 5, 2011
Tuesday, February 1, 2011
Sunday, January 23, 2011
Making useless progress.
Wow. I guess that is the one word to sum up everything I have been thinking about lately. So many things are going on that I can not control and that doesn't necessarily bother me, but it does keep me in check.
School- Why is everybody so ridiculous? I have basically lost any close connections between any with the exception of a few. It seems that people always think I project a negative vibe and that I am always mad. I don't even understand this. Simply because I am not mad. But if I am not always laughing or having fun, apparently I am in a bad mood. Why can't people just get the fuck off my case and leave me alone? At least I'm on the same page as a few of the teachers that I have at school. Ms. Dueker is by far my favorite teacher to see each and every day. I am grateful to have her class twice a day. I'm actually learning from her and everything is going okay. She makes the day worth it. Learning something everyday is important to me. If it isn't to my classmates then they can get the fuck out and go complain about their so called "horrible" lives elsewhere. Am I being to harsh on people? Or is it just that people don't seem to be as mature as I am? Maybe that is arrogant to say. But fuck it. I don't care at this point. It's time for college to come around. Graduation will be a great day. The day when I only have to go back to Windsor High School one more time. And I will love graduation day. Especially since it falls on my birthday. High school is dwindling and I am glad.
Home- Lately, I feel like I don't even belong in my own house. I feel like anything that is done or isn't done is somehow my fault. The kid who works 4 days a week and goes to school full time. The kid who lost his friends because of this dead end job. The kid who never sees his mom or dad and when he does, he bitches about work. The kid who had a great summer with his buddies, but doesn't see those buddies anymore. The kid who is depressed more than anyone knows. The kid who wants to leave. Apparently that kid causes trouble. My mother and I fight. Always resulting in her crying. All the time. Seriously mom, there are bigger problems than a little fight. My father and I are fine. He always backs me up. He always is there for me. And at least we can talk all the time. Man to man. My brother James is a fucking moocher. It's gotten ridiculous. He steals my things all of the time. It is not fair in any way. Go get a job you fuck! Seriously? It is not that hard to get off your ass and try. Even if he is in physical pain. You're weak. That is all I have to say to you man. Grow up.
Work- Oh work. It sucks.
Jake- I only get to see Jake a few times a week and barely at school. He has been hanging out with Bianca a ton lately. They have gotten really close. It scares me. I don't want him to be heartbroken if they break up. I mean, even if you are happy with each other. It is a high school relationship. So make sure that you don't get burned too bad. I feel like we are slipping away sometimes. When we talk, in person, or through text, we are never serious. We always joke and our serious talks that we had kind of disappeared. Although, Jake and I had a rather serious talk the other night. I told him how much I look up to him. How much I respect him. The conversation we had made me cry. In fact, just thinking about the conversation makes me tear up. I really love this kid. He's my best friend for sure. We always know how to have fun. I miss how it always used to be. No jobs to worry about. Only us. At least I am staying home for college with him. We will still be close. Which is nice. And I really hope we end up getting that apartment together when we graduate Mermec. But only time will tell for that one. I just miss seeing my buddy constantly. That is what it all boils down to.
Well that's what has been up with me lately. For now, I'm just going to keep on keepin' on.
All my love,
JohnnyC
School- Why is everybody so ridiculous? I have basically lost any close connections between any with the exception of a few. It seems that people always think I project a negative vibe and that I am always mad. I don't even understand this. Simply because I am not mad. But if I am not always laughing or having fun, apparently I am in a bad mood. Why can't people just get the fuck off my case and leave me alone? At least I'm on the same page as a few of the teachers that I have at school. Ms. Dueker is by far my favorite teacher to see each and every day. I am grateful to have her class twice a day. I'm actually learning from her and everything is going okay. She makes the day worth it. Learning something everyday is important to me. If it isn't to my classmates then they can get the fuck out and go complain about their so called "horrible" lives elsewhere. Am I being to harsh on people? Or is it just that people don't seem to be as mature as I am? Maybe that is arrogant to say. But fuck it. I don't care at this point. It's time for college to come around. Graduation will be a great day. The day when I only have to go back to Windsor High School one more time. And I will love graduation day. Especially since it falls on my birthday. High school is dwindling and I am glad.
Home- Lately, I feel like I don't even belong in my own house. I feel like anything that is done or isn't done is somehow my fault. The kid who works 4 days a week and goes to school full time. The kid who lost his friends because of this dead end job. The kid who never sees his mom or dad and when he does, he bitches about work. The kid who had a great summer with his buddies, but doesn't see those buddies anymore. The kid who is depressed more than anyone knows. The kid who wants to leave. Apparently that kid causes trouble. My mother and I fight. Always resulting in her crying. All the time. Seriously mom, there are bigger problems than a little fight. My father and I are fine. He always backs me up. He always is there for me. And at least we can talk all the time. Man to man. My brother James is a fucking moocher. It's gotten ridiculous. He steals my things all of the time. It is not fair in any way. Go get a job you fuck! Seriously? It is not that hard to get off your ass and try. Even if he is in physical pain. You're weak. That is all I have to say to you man. Grow up.
Work- Oh work. It sucks.
Jake- I only get to see Jake a few times a week and barely at school. He has been hanging out with Bianca a ton lately. They have gotten really close. It scares me. I don't want him to be heartbroken if they break up. I mean, even if you are happy with each other. It is a high school relationship. So make sure that you don't get burned too bad. I feel like we are slipping away sometimes. When we talk, in person, or through text, we are never serious. We always joke and our serious talks that we had kind of disappeared. Although, Jake and I had a rather serious talk the other night. I told him how much I look up to him. How much I respect him. The conversation we had made me cry. In fact, just thinking about the conversation makes me tear up. I really love this kid. He's my best friend for sure. We always know how to have fun. I miss how it always used to be. No jobs to worry about. Only us. At least I am staying home for college with him. We will still be close. Which is nice. And I really hope we end up getting that apartment together when we graduate Mermec. But only time will tell for that one. I just miss seeing my buddy constantly. That is what it all boils down to.
Well that's what has been up with me lately. For now, I'm just going to keep on keepin' on.
All my love,
JohnnyC
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