"I search but never find."

To start off.. This is going to be the longest post yet. It is a rant. I'll begin with someting my dear friend Brett sent me yesterday.

I see this question posted with some regularity in the personals section, so I thought I'd take a minute to explain things to the ladies out there that haven't figured it out.

What happened to all the nice guys?

The answer is simple: you did.

See, if you think back, really hard, you might vaguely remember a Platonic guy pal who always seemed to want to spend time with you. He'd tag along with you when you went shopping, stop by your place for a movie when you were lonely but didn't feel like going out, or even sit there and hold you while you sobbed and told him about how horribly the (other) guy that you were fucking treated you.

At the time, you probably joked with your girlfriends about how he was a little puppy dog, always following you around, trying to do things to get you to pay attention to him. They probably teased you because they thought he had a crush on you. Given that his behavior was, admittedly, a little pathetic, you vehemently denied having any romantic feelings for him, and buttressed your position by claiming that you were "just friends." Besides, he totally wasn't your type. I mean, he was a little too short, or too bald, or too fat, or too poor, or didn't know how to dress himself, or basically be or do any of the things that your tall, good-looking, fit, rich, stylish boyfriend at the time pulled off with such ease.

Eventually, your Platonic buddy drifted away, as your relationship with the boyfriend got more serious and spending time with this other guy was, admittedly, a little weird, if you werent dating him. More time passed, and the boyfriend eventually cheated on you, or became boring, or you realized that the things that attracted you to him weren't the kinds of things that make for a good, long-term relationship. So, now, you're single again, and after having tried the bar scene for several months having only encountered players and douche bags, you wonder, "What happened to all the nice guys?"

Well, once again, you did.

You ignored the nice guy. You used him for emotional intimacy without reciprocating, in kind, with physical intimacy. You laughed at his consideration and resented his devotion. You valued the aloof boyfriend more than the attentive "just-a-" friend. Eventually, he took the hint and moved on with his life. He probably came to realize, one day, that women aren't really attracted to guys who hold doors open; or make dinners just because; or buy you a Christmas gift that you mentioned, in passing, that you really wanted five months ago; or listen when you're upset; or hold you when you cry. He came to realize that, if he wanted a woman like you, he'd have to act more like the boyfriend that you had. He probably cleaned up his look, started making some money, and generally acted like more of an asshole than he ever wanted to be.

Fact is, now, he's probably getting laid, and in a way, your ultimate rejection of him is to thank for that. And I'm sorry that it took the complete absence of "nice guys" in your life for you to realize that you missed them and wanted them. Most women will only have a handful of nice guys stumble into their lives, if that.

So, if you're looking for a nice guy, here's what you do:

1.) Build a time machine.
2.) Go back a few years and pull your head out of your ass.
3.) Take a look at what's right in front of you and grab ahold of it.

I suppose the other possibility is that you STILL don't really want a nice guy, but you feel the social pressure to at least appear to have matured beyond your infantile taste in men. In which case, you might be in luck, because the nice guy you claim to want has, in reality, shed his nice guy mantle and is out there looking to unleash his cynicism and resentment onto someone just like you.

If you were five years younger.

So, please: either stop misrepresenting what you want, or own up to the fact that you've fucked yourself over. You're getting older, after all. It's time to excise the bullshit and deal with reality. You didn't want a nice guy then, and he certainly doesn't fucking want you, now.

Sincerely,

A Recovering Nice Guy


Now wasn't that the fucking truth? Yes it was. This is beautifully written.

So anyways... life has been pretty shitty lately and excuse me for my language, but I have the need to use profanity at the moment. At this moment I've been emotional and upset because all the seniors are gone now and of course girl problems. But lets begin with the seniors, I got to film the senior goodbye circle today and when I got home it kind of brought me to tears. I will truely miss more of them than I thought. I know how it works... Everyone says they will keep in touch, but it never happens. I wish it did. Hopefully Mr. Dylan Schnitker and Miss Nikki Wetstein won't forget me. There are so many others that I will never forget and who I hope I have in my life. Brad Shocklee is one of them, I know he actually reads my blog. Which brings a smile to my face when he could tell me what I had posted the night before. I'll miss the shit out of him. :( As well as many others seniors. I have ties to them, but I wish I could have been closer to each of them.

On to my next order of business, I was sitting here having dinner in my room listening to an old Will.I.Am. cd when I thought that I would text Shell. Apparently, she isn't having a great night either. We talked for a bit and she sent me this....

She's tryna just breathe, yeah tryna catch a breath/ but she wasn't quick enough and saw the flash of death/ now she's floating way up to the top/ while her body just landed with a drop/ it hit the floor with silence and then the screams/ her mom walks in and starts prayin its just a dream/ reality hits and everyones awoken/ everyones taken back an no words are spoken/ how could she really take that last step/ wish someone could of helped/ maybe just listened, to everything she had to/ she was goin through hell/ and she was burnin, burnin up inside/ tired of feelin alive/- Rachell Garrett

This brought me to tears. I love Shell and I'm glad we met. She makes me laugh and she gives the best back scratches. But Shell if you do read this... Know that I'll always listen to you, love. It would be my pleasure.

As I'm sitting here, upset and lonely, I realize that the things in life the make you wonder, What if? Those things hurt the most. Those things can make you rack your brain for days, make you cry, or cause you pain. I think about these things too much it seems. So that's why I'm not truely happy. I don't know exactly what would make me happy anymore. I used to think it would be a nice girl to listen to, to hold, and to just be with.. But now it seems that girls at this age just don't know what they want and the ones that do... Well they are taken by either really great guys or true assholes.

Maybe I'm not supposed to have a nice girl in my life? Maybe I'm meant to be like my brother and be single and just meet girls in bars. I don't want that. But as of now, I wanna give up my morals and just be a douchebag and completely be a player.

So ladies, or gentlemen... Please change my mind. Please.

Love, The Lonely Badger